September 2009
22 posts
I THINK YOU USED TO LOVE ME ONCE?
You say you loved me. But why is it so hard for me to believe? Did you really? You might not understand certain things at the moment. But later on you will realize why I did my best for you. Why I made you my everything. Why I did whatever I could for you. I know we weren’t perfect. We fought, we argued, we cried, but were there no times where we had smiled and laughed? Believe it or not...
DIFFERENT DIRECTION.
I can’t really explain the way I feel. I just have so many mixed feelings as of now. I know I should move on, but part of me wants to hang on. Even though he’s already over with this whole situation… I don’t know how he managed to do it so fast. It makes me wonder if he really loved me the way I loved him. I guess this was just never meant to be? I wish he’d told me...
I NEED TO BRING MYSELF TOGETHER.
Seriously, why am I always bringing myself down? I don’t have the urge to talk anymore. I just reply in simple words. Like no, yeah, uh huh, or I don’t know. I don’t smile as much anymore. I don’t laugh as much. Everything to me is just a blur. Honestly, I think I could do so much better. But nothings driving me to do better.
“It’s the worst feeling in the world to love and hate someone all at the same...”
– (via runawaytrain) (via neonfeverandiscolights) (via eletheowl) (via mylovenotes) (via jenho)
BEING A REBEL.
I’m going to try my best to keep myself busy. It is crazy how I did not eat a single bit of food today and I am not at all hungry. Rather full. Took my medicine without food, just because I didn’t want to force myself to eat. I hope I don’t get any side effects. I’m pretty sure I am no where near being healthy. But hopefully that will all change. I’m hoping to get a...
The Call -Regina Spektor
DON'T WORRY, BE HAPPY?
I’m doing so many things to get the thoughts out of my head. But they all seem to help for a short amount of time. Then they eventually fade away. No matter how hard I try to escape from it, they always seem to find its way back. I guess that means its a problem I know I’m going to have to face some day.
Why am I like this? Why do I worry. Why can’t I just think happy, be happy. I...
THAT IS IT.
I’m stressing so bad right now. Janice never appreciates that I stress over the heat picking her up from her friends house or anywhere else. Never once had she said Thank You. Instead, every single time I do pick her up. She gives me an attitude. And we always end it in a fight. So many times I told my parents that I’m never picking her up again. But this time. I’m done. I mean...
Away from you -Tje Austin
PREPARING FOR THE WORST.
I know things are most likely not to get better but theres always a little bit of hope out there. I am shaky right now. Not knowing what to expect. Nothings mattering to me at the moment but him. Sometimes you feel like you’ll be fine by yourself until it hits you. Then you realize what really made a difference in your life and what didn’t, even though it wasn’t perfect. It was...
CHASE AFTER LOVE.
“Go after her. Fuck don’t sit there and wait for her to call, go after her because that’s what you should do if you love someone, don’t wait for them to give you a sign cause it might never come, don’t let people happen to you, don’t let me happen to you, or her, she’s not a fucking television show or tornado. There are people I might have loved had they...
IT HURTS TO KNOW YOU NEVER TRY.
Words mean nothing without action. You can say this and that, but none of that will matter if your actions never show it. And it never really did. You didn’t really try. You could’ve done so much better. Your so much better than this. I know it for a fact. But you only went for the limits. You didn’t push it. And now, everything we ever had will become nothing but memories...
COUNTING AWAY THE DAYS.
As every day goes by, it somehow seems to be quicker than the last. Stressing each day about the problems I’m going to have to face soon enough. Sad to say that most of my problems started off of my mistakes. Why must one make so much? Life, as always, seems to get harder each day. I just wish I had someone who’d help me through tough times like this. I’d do the favor back to...
DROWNING.
I feel so.. damn. How do I explain this? I don’t feel alive. I feel rather dead. I can’t even think anymore unless I’m by myself in the car along with dead silence. No joke.
I don’t know whats up with me. I just have no confidence, no faith, no self-control, no nothing. I lost it all. Completely. I don’t feel like I have a reason to live. I feel like if I were to...
Listen to your heart- Cascada.
GO WITH THE FLOW.
Today, it didn’t quite happen as I had planned. Didn’t get to accomplish much. Oh well. Basically I cut Edward’s hair for him, then we talked for a long time. Decided to go visit Sarah and Thomas at their practice. When we got there we couldn’t really do much but watch them, haha. Should’ve known. We also saw Nicole. It was good seeing her again since I haven’t...
I'M A MESS.
All thats in my mind are thoughts that I just drown in everyday. Somethings always holding me down, and I can’t do anything right anymore. I just wish someone could tell me what to do. Because I don’t know where to start. I don’t even want to pretend anymore. I don’t want to pretend that I’m happy. I don’t want to pretend that everything’s just perfectly...
IN MY WORLD, THERES ALWAYS A LITTLE BIT OF RAIN.
So today, I couldn’t get ready in time to go with Adam, Theo, and Yudha to his church because my mom has a cleaning OCD and I didn’t want to make them wait so long. So after I was done, I decided to hang out with Janice because It would save me from any trouble. We first went to Ontario Ice skating rink, which SUCKED. We only stayed for 30 minutes and paid 8 dollars each for the worst...
TODAY WAS A FAIRLY GOOD DAY.
Things are getting better, I have to admit. Still sometimes, I am confused of things and wonder if its the right thing to do. I guess I’ll just wait and see. Things don’t “just” happen. Mm, I seriously have to start exercising and eating healthy as soon as possible. I hate eating fatty food but It’s so good, I can’t help it sometimes. I’m going to start...
LIFE LESSONS.
I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.
I’ve learned that no matter how much I care some people just don’t care back.
I’ve learned that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.
I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only...
HIGHLIGHT OF THE DAY.
I beat Phillip in Halo3! 25 kills. Needless to say, we were both surprised.
EMPTY MIND, EMTPY HEART.
I feel so dead lately. What is up with life? When things seem so great, something always breaks it down and I feel so empty once again. I’m just so sick of riding the never ending roller coaster. I just want it to stop. Yeah, I might be a bit depressed about the way things are but there really is no solution to it but being happy. But I guess thats the reason why I’m so down. Because...